Herschel ? – 01/16/13
Herschel, a tomato of some sort, was found dead in the basement of Jeff’s new house on top of an old broken dryer. Though Jeff knows little about the life of Herschel he assumes he would have enjoyed the basement at first because it had plenty of spiders and other unwelcomed wildlife to keep him company through the damp, cold days. Despite the horrible dampness in the basement, Herschel eventually dried to the point of no return.
Jeff, a construction worker, is sad that he didn’t get to know Herschel before his death because he really likes tomatoes. A lot.
Herschel will be buried in Jeff’s compost pile and used to fertilize his future tomato plants.
If you’ve ever trimmed something back too hard you’ll understand…
Xavier 05/03/2012 – 12/11/2012
Xavier, a colorful Croton, received severe frostbite after being left outside too late into the season and apparently continues to be out there. Xavier will continue to sit in the yard in his frozen state indefinitely. Jackie, a nun wrangler by trade, is devastated by the news.
Xavier was a loyal and loving plant. His favorite pastimes were playing fetch, sniffing other plants’ pots and “marking his territory” in the backyard. Jackie let him out to do his business in the yard sometime back in September and forgot to retrieve him. It wasn’t until mid-December that Jackie realized her error. Poor Xavier was a goner. Jackie’s heart aches but she is thankful that Xavier taught her an important lesson: never trust Jackie with a dog.
Esmeralda the latest plant in the Kill Proof Family of plants is now enjoying life in her new home shared with Jackie!
Jackie is now artistically satisfied. Good job, Jackie!
Photo from UW-Extension Cooperative Extension
Have you ever had one of those plants that wilts no matter how many time you water it? Is the soil always wet but the plant never perks up? Chances are your plant wasn’t as thirsty as you thought.
Everyone knows plants get water from the soil by using their roots but when the soil stays wet for too long the roots die off and when the roots die off the plant can’t take up water and if the plant can’t take up water IT WILTS!
So, you’re plant doesn’t have any roots. Now what?
First, place it in a shady spot and stop watering it. Then allow it to dry out so that the top inch of soil is bone dry. When you do water, make sure to water until it flows out the bottom and wait for it to dry before watering it again. This will refresh the soil with oxygen and clean water to help new roots grow.
Need a plant that could endure almost anything besides a raging fire and/or being buried under ground!? Try the new KILL PROOF PLANT! Just follow the instructions to have your own new FREE pet!
Actual results may vary.
* Resistant… Nothing really lasts forever.
Fred 06/2006 – ?
Fred, a red dragon palm died quietly after being forgotten behind some books on an office shelf. Jim, a mechanic, feels alright about it because he didn’t even want Fred in the first place and will be dumping him behind the shop after lunch.
Fred enjoyed reading safety manuals and collecting dust. Luckily his memory will live on in the magical world of the internets.
Cathy 02/2009 – 09/2012
Cathy, a cactus died after sitting in the work bathroom where it received absolutely no sunlight and was watered every time someone used the can. Peggy, an office worker who is devastated by the slow and agonizing death, will be throwing Cathy in the office dumpster on Friday.
Cathy loved the smell of Lysol disinfectant spray and glade plug-ins. See you in the big (well lit) bathroom in the sky, Cathy!
Stuart 04/2012 – 11/2012
Stuart, a Streptocarpellum died after being hit by a hard frost and cut back too hard by his owner, Steve. Steve, a greenhouse worker is heartbroken and will have a hard time getting over the tragic death of Stuart.
Favorite memories: Stuart loved sitting under the greenhouse benches waiting for Steve to come back to work. He will be missed.
Angie 04/2010 – 12/2011
Angie, a variegated ginger died a horrible and slow death by under watering. Owner Steve, a greenhouse worker, is ashamed of killing Angie because he grows plants for a living.
Favorite memories: Angie loved driving cars, racing cars and rebuilding classic cars. We’ll never forget her first time in a Dodge Charger.